Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?

When I'm with you, It seems so easy.

I can't seem to find a better video for this song, but I like it.

You get what you get and you don't get upset.

Summer is coming. The city is changing and so am I. I've been trying to make a point lately of doing things that I feel would make me a better person. I'm trying to not be as narcissistic. I'm trying not to be as self-involved. I'm trying not to play with people's feelings and emotions anymore. I've realized that these are not my toys, I've realized that I was just as bad as, if not worse, than the people who have hurt me doing so in the past. I'm trying to pay attention to those that need it, the people that put a smile on my face, regardless of what mood I was in before I started talking to them. In doing so I'm taking my time away from the people that I feel don't deserve anything from me. I've become productive, instead of destructive. I've started trying to do little things for people, the type of things that they remember, and the type of things where I expect nothing in return. Kindness is not about keeping score. I've stopped looking so far into the future, and started living with what I have. I find myself being happier. I find myself making decisions, instead of being cold and indecisive. I find myself having more certianty than I have ever had before in my life. Ever.

When I look to the sky it's not mine, but I want it so.

Lately I've been doing a lot of nothing. I go to school, go to work, and hang out around my house. I guess lately I've just not felt much like socializing, and I have a hunch as to what triggered this behaviour, but I'm not going to disclose it. Lets just say it has something to do with a boy that I'll probably never ever call mine. During spells like these it seems like everything on TV is the most depressing stuff ever. Like, Grey's Anatomy has gotten all sad, Flashpoint tonight was sad, Criminal Minds has been sad. This is something that I don't want to admit to ever watching, but hell, even Hannah Montana lately has been depressing. (I have an 11 year old sister, okay!) It doesn't help that every song I listen to seems to ring with nostalgia, or that the other things that I used to do to make me happy just seem to be flat out boring lately. I need something in my life to spice things up, but that idea always seems to bring disaster. I've even had major problems sleeping lately. Not getting to sleep until 2 and waking up at 4 doesn't seem to have a good effect on my mood or outlook.

Maybe I'm just crazy.

So the other day I was having this conversation with my good friend Travis about the social structures of today and how casual sex and drinking ones self to oblivion and other things are no longer considered taboo in society and we got to talking about the past. I mentioned how I feel like I was born into the wrong generation, and how I want nothing more than to live in like, the 1930's when boys would pick girls up on dates and give them a flower and take them out to dinner or a dance and expect nothing more than a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night, and everyone was just so classy. Like how during the second world war, women were so fashion concious that when they were denied nylons due to nylon rationing (for it to be used as parachutes) they would tint their legs using either watered down gravy or tea and then draw a line down the back of their legs to imitate the nylon seam using an eyeliner pencil (these days girls are so stupid that they go out in skirts that provide a full view of their private area without even knowing that Nylon's are something more than the title of a magazine), or how clothing was also rationed so people had to make do with what they had, using hand me downs or sheets or old clothing to make new clothing. I know plenty of people who would throw a fit if they had to wear the same thing for more than a year without buying anything new. Travis got to talking about how like, in the 1940s the guys would just act like gentlemen but they would slick their hair back or whatever and everyone was just so cool. I really wish I lived back then. I think that society now is simply too rambunxious for how I wish to live. I'd much rather be part of a conforming society where everyone was very put together and proper and free from social and mental constrictions and they did what they had to without a big fuss.

I want this line. All of it.

I'm acting like some kind of 50s housewife.

Lately I've been suffering from a case of "boring". Tonight, I decided to attempt to curl my hair. Unfortunately, I don't think midnight was the best time for me to put my curlers in, because it resulted in some very poor placement, but it garnered some laughs among friends. Ignore my icky makeup-less face. Tommorrow I suppose I'll get up late, take these out, they'll look horrible, and I'll end up going to work looking a little bit less Dita-Von-Teese and a little bit more Bride-Of-Frankenstein, but that's okay. I suppose these things are expected of me.